There are many reasons why you might be taking this quiz: you may be hurting in your relationship, you may be concerned about someone you know, or you may just be curious. Although it is common (even in good relationships) to experience some hurt from time to time, sometimes people find themselves “stuck” in cycles of criticism and/or withdrawal that they don’t know how to get out of.
This quiz is based on the theory that healthy, loving relationships are built on acceptance, belonging, comfort, and safety. People suffer when these things are lacking in their important relationships.
How often do you experience the following?
- I feel lonely and distant in this relationship.
- I wonder if there’s any point in trying to change things.
- I can’t get through to my partner–no matter how hard I try.
- My partner blows things out of proportion.
- I have little hope for passion or romance in my relationship.
- My partner doesn’t initiate affection—it’s all left up to me.
- I envy other couples who seem to enjoy each other.
- I can’t “get it right”—in my partner’s eyes I come up short.
- I feel unimportant or disrespected in this relationship.
- I feel numb–I don’t feel much of anything anymore.
- It is hard to trust my partner after what has happened.
- There is a lot of criticism and defensiveness in this relationship.
- We don’t have much fun together–it is hard to relax and enjoy each other.
- Conversations go nowhere—we can’t seem to resolve our differences.
- There are a lot of bad memories between us—everything seems dark.
- My positive efforts are met with defensiveness or with no response at all.
- I have to “shut-down” or withdraw, just to keep the peace.
- My partner doesn’t really understand me.
- I have to push to get my partner to talk about important things.
- I want things to improve in this relationship, but I don’t know how.
If more than five of these statements are frequently true for you , it is likely that you could benefit from counseling (together with the other person in your relationship). Skillful counseling that focuses on building love and trust can make a huge difference for many who seek help.
There are some situations where couples counseling is not recommended:
- When there is a high potential for violence in the relationship , individual therapy is recommended for both parties.
- When one or both parties have active addictions, it is important that the addict become actively involved in counseling/treatment before couples therapy can be most helpful.
So, if you feel that you could benefit from marriage counseling / couples counseling, please contact us —life is too precious to let another day go by without seeking help for your most important relationship.